2,931,663 Plays

teamrocketing:

i was looking up chicken noises to annoy my sister and now i can’t breathe

(via tinakris)

mens-rights-activia:

Benedict Cumberbatch is stopped yet again from illegally downloading movies, God bless

mens-rights-activia:

Benedict Cumberbatch is stopped yet again from illegally downloading movies, God bless

(Source: crocroach, via chasinglife-grenna)

deucebowl:

she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere

(via refreshes)

calliopesmuse:

janeways-personal-log:

meredithdraper:

blastoiser:

SHOW THAT BITCH WHO RUNS THIS HOUSE

Me as a mother

Is this Emma Swan?

OMG, I know some people I want to do this to! LOL

calliopesmuse:

janeways-personal-log:

meredithdraper:

blastoiser:

SHOW THAT BITCH WHO RUNS THIS HOUSE

Me as a mother

Is this Emma Swan?

OMG, I know some people I want to do this to! LOL

(via thebitchwashere)

renkos:

ma’m will you please stop breakdancing we are trying to deliver your baby

(via refreshes)

"At 19, I read a sentence that re-terraformed my head: “The level of matter in the universe has been constant since the Big Bang.”
In all the aeons we have lost nothing, we have gained nothing - not a speck, not a grain, not a breath. The universe is simply a sealed, twisting kaleidoscope that has reordered itself a trillion trillion trillion times over.
Each baby, then, is a unique collision - a cocktail, a remix - of all that has come before: made from molecules of Napoleon and stardust and comets and whale tooth; colloidal mercury and Cleopatra’s breath: and with the same darkness that is between the stars between, and inside, our own atoms.
When you know this, you suddenly see the crowded top deck of the bus, in the rain, as a miracle: this collection of people is by way of a starburst constellation. Families are bright, irregular-shaped nebulae. Finding a person you love is like galaxies colliding. We are all peculiar, unrepeatable, perambulating micro-universes - we have never been before and we will never be again. Oh God, the sheer exuberant, unlikely face of our existences. The honour of being alive. They will never be able to make you again. Don’t you dare waste a second of it thinking something better will happen when it ends. Don’t you dare."

Caitlin Moran (via artvevo)

(via somearepirates)

krisbuscus:

bandsdidyoumeanlife:

bandsdidyoumeanlife:

If an intruder ever comes to fucking murder you. You throw your mother fucking head back pull your arms in weird shapes and whip your head forward again and say the anti crist has awoken whilst smiling the biggest smile you have ever made. no smart person would ever fuck around with you if you did that.

STOP REBLOGGING THIS PLEASE ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION

I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY LIFFFEEE

(via lumiturtle2011)

wild-guy:

Kelly Rowland texting Nelly via Microsoft Excel and then getting annoyed when he doesn’t text back.

(via daydreamingthegay)

1,164,937 Plays

ennish:

thesouffleegirl:

groundchele:

Gangnam Style (Glee Cast Version) [HALF SPEED]

it sounds like demons at a strip bar and you walk in because demons took you capture and they need to take u too their boss but the boss is at a strip bar and you walk in and everythings in slow mo and theres hot demons pole dancing and you look around and theres gross demons shouting and throwing money and off to the side with a cigar is a big demon guy with a suit whispering something to a waitress and you look at them and they glare at you and then at your handcuffs

#i thought that description was an exaggeration #but no#that’s the perfect description for this

> Read description

> Laugh

> Press play

> Laugh even harder

(Source: barackobamastan, via daydreamingthegay)